This is my life. and its perfection.

there are many people in my life i am extremely grateful for.

and i will write their "thank yous" some other time.

but today i realized that there was one person that has been with me since i took my first breath.

that person is my sister, who is one year older than me.

so this is for her.

To My Sister Who Will Never Read This:

well, thank you.

for not being there.

i have never looked up to you.

oh yes, when we were little i used to follow you around

but that was only because you wanted me to.

we never had that fairy-tale relationship

where i would idolize and want to be just like you.

that fairy-tale is one that is simply not in my storybook.

up until this point in my life, all i have ever wanted to do is follow my heart, mostly through performing on a stage.

you should have been building me up, supporting me.

instead,

all those years

you broke me down

over and over again.

told me i could never do it.

i could never sing, you said i had a horrible voice.

i could never be pretty enough, you said i did my makeup wrong.

i could never be skinny enough, you said my clothes didnt fit right and reminded me you always were 2 sizes smaller.

i could never have any friends, you said everyone hated me.

you said

i was just never good enough.

thank you.

by doing all of that

you have simply lead me

to make the choice.

to push myself

that much farther

and be that much better.

and also to be that big sister

to those girls who look at me and say

"i want to be her."

to teach them how to be that model of dignity and grace and love.

and teach them simply how to live.

you taught me patience,

to wait my turn,

to discover for myself instead of believing lies,

to give my all the first time around,

to not fade into the background,

to not care if others laugh at what i do,

to hold myself like i have the perfect confidence.

i learned these things

because you didnt do them.

and only i saw the result.

the girl i dont want to be

and never will be

has been right before my eyes my entire life.

showing me and making me raise myself up.

thank you for making me as strong as iron and gentle as an angel.

              for making me that fairy-tale big sister i never had, to those people that need me.

              for making me the girl who sees someone by looking into their eyes and going past that first glance.

              for making me the girl who walks down the hall with a smile on her face and light in her heart,

                       knowing that the girl i am is the girl i always will be.

        and for making me the girl who i am today.

thank you.

<3 cally