This is my life. and its perfection.

[written on the way to visit my grandmother in the hospital, sick with cancer] 

i love my grandmother dearly. please keep her in your prayers as she continues her battle to live.

       I just don't get it. Why? What is the point of life? Why do we live and die? Why do we spend our entire lives meeting people and loving them with our whole heart, just to have to let them slip away. But I guess that is part of the definition of love. All love has its own hurt. Whether it be by losing someone due to the fact that they don't love you anymore or whether it be that someone loves you so much that God wants their love and takes them to home. Oh yes, I believe in God and Heaven. I truly do. But I just don't understand why. I guess that is what blind faith means, just giving what you believe in every last ounce of faith in your soul, even when you can't see what you are giving it to. But love is different. Love is giving someone you can see your heart. It doesn't mean you know if they will accept or deny it from you, but you give it to them anyway. Then, when they are gone, that piece of your heart goes with them and God takes it and holds it until you get their yourself. So even though you give pieces of your heart away your entire life, it all comes back to you in Heaven and you are complete and perfect with everyone you ever loved by your side forever. My heart is in so many people, even now only 14 years into my life, so I wonder how long it will be before I have no heart left of my own. But I think if my heart is no longer my own, that can only make me stronger. Stronger in how much I can love, because then I can only love those that believe love is blind. That means they love me enough to not need to have a part of my heart to have my love. This makes absolutely no sense to you I'm sure. But somehow, I understand when I think of life and death and those I love. I understand even though it isn't clear because that is what faith is. Not understanding.

Faith and Love go

hand in hand.

They are both BLIND.

        Somehow this started about life and death and ended with faith and love. But thats what living is. A complete blend of everything, misunderstanding and all.

the end.